In English, for example, I use sensible with the meaning of  sensitive.

sensible (adj.) late 14c., “capable of sensation or feeling;” also “capable of being sensed or felt, perceptible to the senses,” hence “easily understood; logical, reasonable,” from Late Latin sensibilis “having feeling: perceptible by the senses,” from sensus, past participle of sentire “perceive, feel” (see sense (n.)).

Of persons, “aware, cognizant (of something)” early 15c.; “having good sense, capable of reasoning, discerning, clever,” mid-15c. Of clothes, shoes, etc., “practical rather than fashionable” it is attested from 1855.

and

sensitive (adj.), late 14c., in reference to the body or its parts, “having the function of sensation”, also (early 15c.) “pertaining to the faculty of the soul that receives and analyzes sensory information”, from Old French sensitif “capable of feeling” (13c.) and directly from Medieval Latin sensitivus “capable of sensation”, from Latin sensus, past participle of sentire “feel perceive” (like sense (n.)). 

Meaning “easily affected” (with reference to mental feelings) first recorded in 1816; meaning “having intense physical sensation” is from 1849. Original meaning is preserved in sensitive plant (1630s.), which is “mechanically irritable in a higher degree than almost any other plant” (Century Dictionary). Meaning “involving national security” is recorded from 1953.

Other Middle English senses included “susceptible to injury or pain” (early 15c., now gone with sensitive); “worldly, temporal, outward” (c. 1400); “carnal, unspiritual” (early 15c., now gone with sensual). Related: Sensibleness.

When looking at the meanings of sensible and sensitive in English, French and Italian for example, I think it is clearer why I tend to mis-use the term in English.

In French, sensible is equivalent to the English sensitive. This is the explanation from the Larousse :

• Qui est, qui peut être perçu par les sens : Le monde sensible.
• Qui est apte à éprouver des perceptions, des sensations : Avoir l’oreille sensible.
• Qui est très facilement affecté par la moindre action ou agression extérieure : Être sensible de la gorge. Une dent sensible au froid.
• Se dit d’une partie du corps que l’on ressent, qui est plus ou moins douloureuse : La douleur est moins vive, mais la zone est toujours sensible.
• Qui éprouve facilement des émotions, des sentiments, notamment de pitié, de compassion : Une nature sensible. Être sensible à la douleur d’autrui.
• Qui est particulièrement accessible à certaines impressions d’ordre intellectuel, moral, esthétique ; réceptif : Être sensible aux compliments.
• Se dit d’un appareil, d’un instrument de mesure, qui obéit à de très légères sollicitations : Une balance très sensible.
• Se dit d’un matériel, d’un produit qui est sujet à des variations de prix dépendant de facteurs extérieurs.
• Que l’on doit traiter avec une attention, une vigilance particulière : Dossier sensible.
• Qui fait l’objet d’une surveillance renforcée pour des raisons de sécurité : Vol sensible.
• Qui est facilement perçu par les sens ou par l’esprit : Une sensible différence de prix.
• Se dit d’une émulsion photographique, d’un explosif, d’un matériel, etc., doués de sensibilité.

Whereas French sensitif means sensory or oversensitive in English. As, like Larousse says: Sensitif se dit d’un sujet doué de perception extrasensorielle. 

For some time I also used the term “awful” in its etymological way, i.e. “worthy of respect or fear”, and not with its actual meaning “very bad”. Especially when reacting spontaneously to an awesome situation, it happened that I said awful, not intending it in the modern way, but in the medieval way:

awful (adj.): c.1300, agheful “worthy of respect or fear”, from aghe  an earlier form of awe (n.) + ful. The Old English word was egefull. Weakened sense “very bad” is from 1809; weakened sense of “exceedingly” is by 1818.

Do you also use a word in its etymological way or with the meaning it has in another language? Please share in the comments.

We are living in an international community with a great amount of parents from the UK, Australia and the US, and among our friends, the question whether to send a child to a boarding school or not comes up regularly.

I am the kind of mother that couldn’t imagine being separated from my children, not until they’re 18 or whenever they are ready to go. Yes, I’m a “mamma italiana” type of mother, or a “Glucke” how it’s called in German: I like having my children around me. I love being a mother and I am very grateful to have the opportunity to spend plenty of time with my children, I want them in my life and want to take part of their daily life.

This is why it was very difficult for me to accept and understand how a parent could send a child under 18 to a boarding school. Especially because it means, in our situation, to send him or her to a school that is in another country, hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of kilometers away.

Sending children to boarding schools is more common in some societies than in others and some of my British friends started talking about sending their children to boarding school when they were still quite young.

I couldn’t understand how a mother of a 5 year old could already make plans to send her son to a boarding school at age 8 or 10. They were making plans on trips they would “finally do” with their husbands/partners when their children would be “away”. It sounded like the children were a nuisance. It took me quite some time to understand their point of view, their world view and look at it all from another perspective. – I still struggle with this mentality, but I understand where it comes from.

The UK has a rich history of boarding schools which reflects in one of the most read books in the past years, Harry Potter. Children from around the world read about life in a surreal boarding school, far away from home, without parents being active part of their daily lives, and they accompany these fictive characters for several years through adventures, sad and happy moments. I read Hanni und Nanni (aka St. Clairs) by Enid Blyton, when I was 10 and wondered sometimes how it would be to grow up in a boarding school. It seemed like a very exotic way to live to me. – But reading books about the life of fictive characters in that situation and living it yourself are two very different animals…

Boarding schools in Britain started in medieval times “when boys were sent to be educated at a monastery or noble household, where a lone literate cleric could be found”, but the institution has adapted itself to changing social circumstances over 1000 years. During the colonial expansion of the British Empire, they became highly popular as they ensured education to children of British colonial administrators.

“in some societies children enter at an earlier age than in others. In some societies, a tradition has developed in which families send their children to the same boarding school for generations. One observation that appears to apply globally is that a significantly larger number of boys than girls attend boarding school and for a longer span of time. The practice of sending children, particularly boys, to other families or to schools so that they could learn together is of very long standing, recorded in classical literature and in UK records going back over 1,000 years. ” (more information here)

If for some local families, sending their children to a boarding school means to help them develop wider horizons than their family can provide, families who spend many years living abroad, boarding schools represent the often unique opportunity for their children to get in touch with their heritage culture, its values, customs and beliefs during their childhood years.

Knowing about the historical background of sending children to boarding schools helped me to be more understanding.

When I saw this video some time ago, I started questioning the reasons that brought the parents to send their children to a boarding school.

I understand that if a parent grew up like this and saw the benefits of it, he probably wants his children make the same experience. Many parents don’t question the way they were brought up and assume that what was good for them is automatically beneficial for their children too.

I personally wonder if this option is not a way to escape parenthood at an earlier stage, a kind of handing over a child to someone else – like it’s said in this video by one of the educators.

I have several friends who have sent their children to boarding schools and I see them suffer, I see them keeping up the “brave facade” that I see back in the video here above. They don’t meet with others when they are sad and lonely, and when they feel some tears coming up when among friends, they say they’re “being silly”.

Sometimes they share their grief, the grief of a premature empty nest, the grief of not seeing their children grow up, become teenagers and young adults, the grief of not really being part of their childrens’ life. They are the bereaved. And there is the fear that their children may not want to come back and visit in the future, that they will resent their decisions. They are lonely and abandoned.

I understand that for many internationals who move frequently, a boarding school gives some continuity their children usually miss, but I can’t but wonder: why would they choose a life far away from their children, a life that tears their family apart? Isn’t it one of the reasons we have children, to raise them ourselves, and not to let this part to someone else, some stranger?

I have seen children suffering because of frequent moves. I have seen these children being sent to boarding school because of their suffering. I honestly doubt that being separated from their parents, who usually are the pillar and only constance in their young life, is the best and healthiest solution.

I could go on and on writing about this topic but I leave it here, open… for everyone who reads this continue the discussion in the comments.

I surely am not here to judge.

Like one of the mothers says at the end of the video: I wonder what the long term effect is on children who are growing up like this. When children are separated from their parents it always has an effect on everyone involved, and there is not one right solution that fits all.

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs there are, because it involves emotions, requires tough decisions, and leaves us with many doubts, uncertainties that affect us because they involve people we love.

Ruth van Reken wrote a very important book about her own experience at boarding schools. Letters never sent is a collection of letters she never sent to her mother, where she shares her thoughts, experiences, her sad moments, her worries.

I can also recommend Unrooted Childhoods,a collection of stories from adults who grew up abroad.

What is your opinion or experience with sending children to boarding school? Please share it in the comments here below.

The more choice we have, the more miserable we become. What Nobel economics laureate Herbert Simon defined with satisficing (a combination of satisfying and suffice) is the decision making strategy or cognitive heuristic that entails searching through the available alternatives until an acceptability threshold is met (Colman, Andrew (2006). A Dictionary of Psychology. New York: Oxford University Press, p. 670).

What about all the things that “come for free”? What is offered for free or to a reduced price? Especially on days like Black Friday, people think they need to take advantage of the many bargains… only to find themselves with stuff they didn’t really need or want.

Ending is not better than mending. What Aldous Huxley already imagined in his 1932’s Brave New World has been realized. Repairing has become more expensive than replacing, and we “buy new stuff to conceal from ourselves our disappointment about the failings of the old stuff” (The 10 lies about Black Friday’s consumerist circle of hell). – Keeping things as long as we can, updating them or consciously choosing not to upgrade our phone, and repairing them as long as we can is the new black. – Find a repair café in your area (here is a site for repair cafés in the Netherlands)

Sustainable consumerism means to ask ourselves what we really need.

Like Marcel Proust said: le désir fleurit, la possession flétrit toutes choses, i.e. desire makes everything blossom, possession makes everything wither and fade.

People tend to buy because they think (or hope!) that the item or the act of buying itself will make them happy – even if only for a short time.

“Strong materialist values are associated with a pervasive undermining of people’s wellbeing, from low life satisfaction and happiness to depression and anxiety, to physical problems such as anxiety, and to personality disorders, narcissism, and antisocial behaviour,” wrote psychologist Tim Kasser in The High Price of Materialism.

I don’t mean that one should avoid any kind of possession. That isn’t possible, even if we reduce our wardrobe into a capsule wardrobe, declutter our home because we actually only need 20% of all we have, and move into tiny houses. But we can all be more conscious about the way we gift, which will not only make us more content, but will also contribute to being more considerate towards our planet, our society, community, our family and friends, and ourselves.

The conscious way of gifting

My hierarchy of conscious gifting is inspired by Abraham Maslows’ Hierarchy of needs.

A more conscious way of gifting can be to give memories and time, instead of items. Time has become very precious and the attention and connection that comes with it is what many of us long for, what we all need even more in an era of constant distractions… The idea is to offer our time and attention to others, to listen and connect with them. By doing so, we also build memories as the other person will remember the time spent together. It may cost something, for example if we gift someone a visit at the spa, a riding lesson, an abonnement at the gym etc..
We can also upcylce items by giving them another purpose, transforming them in a way that they can be useful for us or others.

We can make something from scratch that makes the other person happy, or buy second hand.

Finally, whenever we buy something new, we can be more conscious of what and where we buy it:

• Is it supporting the right businesses?
• Is it produced in a sustainable way?
• Are those who produced it been fairly treated?
• What is its ecological footprint?

What do you do to be more conscious in gifting?

How do you approach this topic with your children and family?

Please share your thoughts in the comments here below – Thank you, Ute

I addition to my other post about bilingualism and homework,  I want to point out the importance of fostering the home language in all school subjects, not only literacy.

What many parents don’t realize until their children start going to school in another language, is that they will learn how to do maths, talk about science and all the other school topics, in the school language.

When our children are schooled in another language, this other language will become their most dominant language within a few years. (read here)

If we are not fluent enough in our children’s school language to translate and make examples with the terms they use at school in our home language, we need some help.

I always recommend to ask the teachers for an overview of the curriculum. If this is not possible, have a look at the manual your children are using at school. This can also be difficult if the school doesn’t use conventional books anymore and mainly relies on online platforms. In this case I suggest you sit down with your child or teenager and “dive into the subject” with the aid of a dictionary.

I am fluent in my children’s school language, but when it comes to subjects like biology, physics, chemistry, design technology, etc. I need some help to find the equivalent in German.

***

Understanding and using the right terms in all the languages

I use to google terms a lot, but you can imagine that it is very time consuming to do so if you need to find 30 terms or more within a few minutes.

I found some sites that can help though:

On Proz.com you  can select the topic and browse the single terms in many different languages.

For Maths in German-English, German-Very_Easy helps to use the right terminology in both languages.

When I wanted my son to learn the right terms when studying electrotechnical terms, the Electropedia site was very helpful.

– If you know of any site that helps with specific vocabulary, please leave a comment here below and I will add it to the list.

***

Our children need to also understand the language of tests and exams!

The language of tests and exams is another step our children need to take. It requires a deep knowledge of the language! What for a native speaker is “common sense” might not be for someone who speaks this language only at school (or at work for that matter…).

Here are some sites where you can find an overview of recurrent terms that are used in English exams:
Defining common exam instruction words

Terms that are used in essays

Have a look at this list of key verbs found in exams, to start with – please let me know in the comment area what you would change or add.

ANALYSE    Break an issue down into its component parts; discuss them and show how they interrelate.

ARGUE        Make a case, based on appropriate evidence and logically structured, for and/or against some given point of view.

ASSESS      Estimate the value or importance of something, paying attention to positive and/or negative aspects.

COMPARE    Look for similarities and differences between.

CONTRAST  Set in opposition in order to bring out differences.

CRITICISE   Give your judgement about the merit of theories or opinions or about the truth of facts, and back your judgement by a discussion of the evidence.

DEFINE       Set down the precise meaning of the word or phrase, giving sufficient detail so as to distinguish it.

DESCRIBE   Give a detailed or graphic account.

DISCUSS    Investigate or examine by argument; sift and debate giving reasons for and against.

EXPLAIN     Tell how things work or how they came to be the way they are.

IDENTIFY    Pick out what you regard as the key features of something, perhaps making clear the criteria you use in doing so.

ILLUSTRATE        Use a figure or diagram to explain or clarify, or make it clear by the use of concrete examples.

JUSTIFY      Express valid reasons for accepting a particular interpretation or conclusion.

OUTLINE     Indicate the main features of a topic or sequence of events, possibly setting them within a clear structure or framework to show how they interrelate.

PROVE        Demonstrate or establish the truth or accuracy, giving evidence or a logical sequence of statements from evidence to conclusion.

RELATE       Explain how things are connected to each other and to what extent they are alike or affect each other.

REVIEW      To make a survey of, examining the subject critically.

STATE         Present in brief, clear form the main points.

SUMMARISE        Give a concise account of the chief points or substance of the matter, omitting details and examples.

TRACE        Follow the development or history of a topic form some point of origin.

The bottom line is: as parents of multilingual children our “task” is to make sure that our children know the right words for what they need on a short and a long term. If we want our children to once have the opportunity to also study or work in a country where our home language is spoken, they need a broader vocabulary than what is usually taught in language classes, and they need to read a lot – and understand what they’re reading!

I know this sounds a lot to do, and I admit that it is not easy. But what I surely know is that it is so worth it!

I regularly hold free online meetings on multilingualism where I talk about this topic and share best practices and where I encourage parents all over the world and support them help their children maintain their home languages. You’re always welcome to join!

I have talked about this with my children who grow up as Germans abroad too. It is not an easy conversation to have with your own children because you don’t want to make them worry about something they might not experience. I wrote about this before, and I truly hoped that my children would never experience what I did, but unfortunately they had to deal with prejudice and accusations too, as their peers learned about WWII and the discussions that followed was accusing “all the Germans”: the German children in the class developed the same sense of guilt…

This innate sense of guilt that Sabine van der Velpen describes in her interview with NOS, is what I feel every time the country I live in celebrates the end of the war, the liberation from the Germans and remembrance day.

Although it is important to remember and never ever forget in order to avoid making the same mistakes again, those who live with the sense of guilt also in later generations need some support of coping with this feeling.

The Vergangenheitsbewältigung, the “struggle to overcome the [negatives of the] past”, is the  attempt to analyze, digest and learn to live with the past, in particular the Holocaust. This focus on learning is much in the spirit of philosopher George Santayana‘s oft-quoted observation that “those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it”.

It is not about forgetting about the past: I am avid defender of the “everyone should learn history” (especially politicians!) because I consider it important to always learn from history – those who know me know that I have always a historical approach in what I do – but it is about how to deal with it in a healthy way for us and our children.

I don’t want to feel I have to leave the country when everyone is thinking about the “bad Germans”, or that I have to avoid speaking German that day in public. Nor do I want my children to feel indirectly accused of something they weren’t involved personally.

For many years I was stuck in this feeling of guilt, especially when people call these days “memorial day”.

The Holocaust-Mahnmal in Berlin is significant: the noun Mahnmal is not Denkmal – used to translate “memorial” – and carries the sense of “admonition”, “urging”, “appeal” and “warning”, not “remembrance”.

Although “remembrance” might help the “warning”, it also is a burden to those who, like me, feel the guilt even though we were not even born…

Sabine mentions that it almost feels like a genetic guilt we have and I can totally relate to it. It is a deep feeling of guilt and shame for something others did. I’m not sure it is due to me being very responsible, there must be more…
The Mahnmal in Berlin is also known as Das Denkmal für die ermordeten Juden Europas (The Memorial for the Murdered Jews of Europe), and one can argue that it puts exclusive emphasis on Jewish victims, and it’s good that we remember those who died.
But the name itself of “Mahnmal” helps me, personally, to consider this day also in the countries I lived and live now, as “admonition” for this never to happen again.

How can younger generations cope with the sense of guilt of being German when living abroad?

I am still looking for an answer. We talk about WWII and we talk about what we know about our family, the way they experienced the war. We also talk about the silence that always comes with it when this topic comes or came up with our grandparents and grand-grandparents…
I can only think about supporting young generations who have to deal with accusations, helping them be self confident and compassionate, but also not taking on the burden of what happened on their young shoulders. I know it took me many years to deal with this and I think it’s time to turn the page and focus on the best way to avoid this, without pointing fingers and judging those who were not even born then.

I know that much needs to be done in schools and societies to be more understanding and empathic…
– I would love to know your thoughts about this topic as I really would love to change the narrative starting from… now.