Twins at school: once separated, always separated?

Ute Limacher-Riebold — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 20:21:38 +0000

There are so many advices about keeping twins in the same class at school or not, which appear to lead to a simple single decision. But sometimes your have to change your decision for the childrens’ sake.

Sometimes you’re firmly convinced of doing the right thing but later on you realise that the situation has changed and you have to adapt.

When our girls were seven months old, I noticed that while playing together, one was always the giver and the other one the taker. Hence, we decided that it was time for them to spend more time with peers. In order not to become „the twins“, but to develop their own personal identity, we decided to put them into two different groups at a daycare. However, when they were two years old, they had to stay in the same group for almost a year. But by that time, they were already very independent from each other. They were able to play on their own or with their own friends without needing the twin sister. They began to realise that they looked alike and started to trick people. They had lots of fun with this, and so did we. In this period I spent one day per week with one of them while the other one was at daycare, in order to provide one exclusive-mum-day for each of them.

When they were three years old, we decided to send them to preschool and we opted for two different classes. They both had their own teacher and their own friends. From the very beginning I told the other parents that we wanted them to be considered two individuals and that there was no problem if one was invited to a party or playdate without her sister. The girls did accept this and apparently did even appreciate it.

Three years later we decided to put them in the same class for several reasons. The main reason was that we wanted them to experience the fun and pleasure of being twins during their daily life at school. We figured that this would probably be more difficult once they’ll be teenagers. Competition will probably become a much bigger issue by then.

Some grown up twin-friends told me what they disliked most about being twins. They never liked to be considered „the twins“ (when identical), as half a person when the other twin was not present and to be continuously compared to the sister (or brother).

Since the very beginning we tried to avoid this behaviour within our family. We also told our parents and friends to consider the girls as two sibilings who just happened to be born on the same day.

Though looking pretty much alike, our girls have very different characters. They have different preferences in colors, toys, games, sports and friends. And at school they don’t even sit at the same table and they usually don’t seek for the other’s support.

Since we are aware of teaching staff or class mates seing them merely as „twins“ and never calling them by their names could lead to personality disorders and competitions between them, we will be very attentive.

What were they thinking?!

Ute Limacher-Riebold — Sat, 08 Sep 2012 13:17:13 +0000

I wanted to post something else today, but this picture hit me straight into my heart while I was reading the newspapers online these days.

This picture shows four 6 year old chinese twins at their school in Shenzen (South China). Their parents did shave their heads and wrote huge numbers on their sculls to make it easier for their teachers to distinguish them.

In my opinion, it shows the complete inability of the parents and the teachers of these twins to cope with the situation. I find the act of shaving them and labelling in such an eye catching way very discriminating and terribly humilitating. By this act, they have been totally deprived from all the rights of being individuals. Twins, especially if identical or multiple twins, stick out already and there is no reason to make them feel even more uncomfortable about this.

I’m the kind of twins-mum who always wants her twins to be first of all individuals. On the inside and on the outside. That’s why I’m so outraged about this picture.

There are several ways to help people tell your twins apart. The easiest way is to make them wear different clothes. But even if twins need to wear a uniform at school, there are still little things you can change in their outfits. You can apply coloured stickers on the collars or choose a different hairdo for each child or let them wear a ribbon in their favourite color (for the girls) etc.. You can also use name tags until people can tell them apart. Personally, I prefer to point out physical characteristics to teachers, friends etc.: „Even the most identical twins have some distinguishing characteristic. (…) Identify a telltale feature for each child, for example a freckle, mole, eyebrow arch or hair whorl. Avoid comparative features; people can’t rely on them unless the twins remain together at all times.“ (cfr. http://multiples.about.com/od/twinsinschool/tp/aatptelltwins.htam).

Seriously, what were the parents of these four twins thinking?!

You: VIDEO: Can identical twins still be unique?

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Twins at school: once separated, always separated?

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