We all have different ways to cope in the many phases we go through not only now, but in any situation. At the moment, we try to find a new normal every day. Some days seem almost surreal, and at times we just wish that the day will be over, other days we wish that certain moments would last longer.

A dear friend shared a picture on facebook, which said that during these times, the days of the week all seem the same. It feels like there is no Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday etc. but only a yesterday, today and tomorrow. Days are very similar, yes, and although we still have meetings and appointments and are aware that the days in the week differ in names and schedules (to some extent), they feel the same because it all happens from the same place: home. At least for some of us.

We are fortunate that this time of isolation gets somehow interrupted by Easter. The Guardian published an article where they ask readers to share how they are celebrating Easter in lockdown, and you can read other newspapers in the Netherlands , Germany, Switzerland, UK etc. In Italy, they indicate where people can follow the messa di Pasqua online.
On TV there are commercials talking about this Easter being different because families can’t meet in person.

Our children seem to need more than ever a sign of hope and normalcy, and Easter is one of the moments in the year that gives us hope every single year.

This year we won’t celebrate it, like planned, in Italy and Switzerland, we’ll celebrate it at home instead. We will decorate our home, have a long skype session on Sunday with our family in Germany and Switzerland, and enjoy the time with each other here. It’s not the first time that we spend Easter without our extended family. For internationals and expats this is nothing new. But still: knowing that you can’t even if you would like to, is what makes a huge difference. The freedom to decide yourself is taken from us this year, and maybe this is why we long for it even more.

We try to keep our minds busy by binge-reading, writing a lot (like I just did in the past days…), and binge-watching Netflix series. Celebrating Easter is becomes a new meaning this year because we long for a new beginning, we long for this all being over soon in the best possible way for our dear ones and for us.

Some parents might think that teenagers don’t really like to celebrate Easter. In Italy there is a saying “Natale con i tuoi, Pasqua con chi vuoi” (“Christmas with your family, Easter with whoever you want (=usually it means friends)”), but this year is different.

All celebrations become more important right now because we are more aware of what it means to celebrate in a more isolated way. Our children miss their friends and family even more… Easter invites to contemplation and there is a positive side of it in celebrating in a more calm and personal way: “In der Ruhe liegt die Kraft” (= the strength is to be found in serenity).

I wish you and your family and friends a healthy Easter, no matter if you celebrate it with your core family, with your partner only (because your children live abroad) or if you are alone this year: bake or cook something delicious, enjoy nature if you can, listen to some good music and enjoy the colors of this season.

Here is a little virtual tour to the Keukenhof here in the Netherlands.

We will watch Andrea Bocelli on Easter Sunday, and his Music for Hope live streaming from the Duomo di Milano – would you like to join us in a virtual way?

How are you celebrating Easter this year?

#wereallinthistogether #stayhomestaysafe

The poem I would like to share in this post is about the time of advent and St. Nicholas.

Ödipussi (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is written and performed by the German comedian, humorist, cartoonist, film director, actor and writer Vicco von Bülow (1923-2011) alias Loriot. He is best known for his cartoons, the sketches from his 1976 television series Loriot, alongside Evelyn Hamann, and his two movies, Ödipussi (1988) and Pappa Ante Portas (1991).

In six episodes of Loriot, he presented sketches, usually being the protagonist himself, and short cartoons, drawn by himself.

Loriot’s humour focussed on the peculiarities of German people including the awkwardness of everyday situations and miscommunication in human interaction.

“What I am interested in most of all are people whose communication fails. All that I consider comical results from crumbled communication, from talk at cross purposes.” (Loriot)

His cartoons hinged on the contrast between the presented situation, the dignity displayed by his typically big nosed characters and the picture’s caption. Inevitably one of these elements gets out of line, for example, when he combines the caption “We demand equal treatment of men and women, even if the suckling baby might temporarily lose weight.” with the picture of a bulbous-nosed man breast-feeding a baby in a distinguished manner. The topics of his cartoons were mainly drawn from everyday life, scenes of the family and middle-class society. (wikipedia)

This contrast between absurd an situation and dignified behaviour are very characteristic for his sketches and films. Loriot was incredibly popular. The accuracy of his language and the “high-brow sense of comedy led to the adoption of a large number of phrases and inventions from the series’ sketches into German common knowledge and everyday speech.” There is the “yodel diploma”, the “stone louse” and sentences like “With that, you have somehing on your own!”, “Please, don’t talk right now…”, “There used to be more tinsel”, “Look, a piano! A piano, a piano!” or the laconic “Ach!?” (“Oh, is it?”…).

In this macabre poem entitled Advent (1973), Loriot lent Knecht Ruprecht its diabolic-sinister context from which he originated.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1SwcR5Vwis&w=560&h=315]

ADVENT

Es blaut die Nacht, die Sternlein blinken,      / The night turns blue, the stars are twinkling

Schneefloecklein leis herniedersinken.      / snowflakes quietly are sinking.

Auf Edeltaennleins gruenem Wipfel     / The fire tree tops are beaming green

haeuft sich ein kleiner weisser Zipfel. / and little snow heaps can be seen.

Und dort vom Fenster her durchbricht / There! From a window  rather bright

den dunklen Tann ein warmes Licht.   / through the trees there goes a light.

Im Forsthaus kniet bei Kerzenschimmer / Lit by candles, woodman’s hut

die Foersterin im Herrenzimmer. / the woodman’s wife sits on her butt (in the woodman’s study).

In dieser wunderschoenen Nacht  / Just in this silent winter time

hat sie den Foerster umgebracht.  / has she committed murder crime

Er war ihr bei des Heimes Pflege / and killed the woodman in great haste

seit langer Zeit schon im Wege.   / she thought of him as rather waste.

So kam sie mit sich ueberein:   / Thus was the plan. At Nichlas Eve

am Niklasabend muss es sein. / poor wasteful woodman had to leave

Und als das Rehlein ging zur Ruh’, / when deer was from the forest creeping

das Haeslein tat die Augen zu,  / the little rabbit started sleeping

erlegte sie direkt von vorn  / a rifle took the woodman’s wife

den Gatten ueber Kimme und Korn. / and took away her husbands life.

Vom Knall geweckt ruempft nur der Hase / The bang annoyed the rabbit’s sleep

zwei-, drei-, viermal die Schnuppernase  / for just a minute, when he was deep

und ruhet weiter suess im Dunkeln, / and in the forest, thinking

derweil die Sternlein traulich funkeln.  / while high above the stars were twinkling.

Und in der guten Stube drinnen / And in the woodman’s snuggery

da laeuft des Foersters Blut von hinnen. / his blood escapes the artery.

Nun muss die Foersterin sich eilen, / The woodman’s wife must quickly act

den Gatten sauber zu zerteilen. / and cuts the woodman – that’s a fact

Schnell hat sie ihn bis auf die Knochen / as custom is for woodmans doing

nach Waidmanns Sitte aufgebrochen. / she skins her husband without woeing.

Voll Sorgfalt legt sie Glied auf Glied / With care she places all the pieces

(was der Gemahl bisher vermied)-, / and keeps a filet for her nieces

behaelt ein Teil Filet zurueck / as festive roast, a tender part

als festtaegliches Bratenstueck / she thinks that this is really smart.

und packt zum Schluss, es geht auf vier / The rest she wraps like Christmas gifts

die Reste in Geschenkpapier. / and thinks of them as precious thrifts.

Da toent’s von fern wie Silberschellen, / Hark! Silver-bells are ringing sweetly

im Dorfe hoert man Hunde bellen. / a dog is barking rather neatly.

Wer ist’s, der in so tiefer Nacht / Who might it be, so late at night,

im Schnee noch seine Runden macht ? / to walk in snow and without light?

Knecht Ruprecht kommt mit goldenem Schlitten / The helper of Santa Claus (Ruprecht) is riding

auf einem Hirsch herangeritten ! / on a stag, and law-abiding,

“He, gute Frau, habt ihr noch Sachen, / he asks the woodman’s wife for presents

die armen Menschen Freude machen ?” / to kids and to the poorer peasants.

Des Foersters Haus ist tief verschneit, / The woodman’s hut lays in the snow

doch seine Frau steht schon bereit: / but woodman’s wife – she isn’t slow:

“Die sechs Pakete, heil’ger Mann, / “Good man, all that I have is gathered here.

‘s ist alles, was ich geben kann.”  / Six wrappings, to the peasants’ peer.”

Die Silberschellen klingen leise, / The bells are ringing, nice and pure

Knecht Ruprecht macht sich auf die Reise. / Santa’s helper makes his tour

Im Foerstershaus die Kerze brennt, / a candle in the woodman’s vent

ein Sternlein blinkt – es ist Advent. / is shining there – it is Advent.

(LORIOTs HEILE WELT, Diogenes)

translation into English from © Mathias and tastyarts

Related articles

• St Nicholas and his helpers Knecht Ruprecht, Krampus, Père Fouettard and Zwarte Piet (expatsincebirth.com)

Have you also spent hours in planes, trains or car… Did you end up waiting in long lines – in traffic, airports, train stations etc…. – maybe having your journey delayed…?

And of course, while doing all this you took care of your children, pet(s), and made sure everyone is ok before, during and after the journey.

And you did all this to be “there” on time. To meet with family, friends and of course, to have some holiday feeling.

Maybe you expected to share what you’ve done, experienced, what you’re looking forward to… and to have some great conversations with family and friends.

We all have expectations when turning back home for holidays or generally, when visiting our family and friends.

We don’t expect everything to be perfect, but what we wish is that people “see” us and “listen”. As simple as that. We want a confirmation that they are still interested in us, even if we live far (far) away.

In my lifelong experience with this “catching up over summer” I have noticed that we can separate them into two kind of people:

1. People we haven’t met in months or years, but when we meet, it seems like we just met them yesterday. Conversations flow, there is genuine mutual interest in what the other has done, experienced and no judgment, but sincere joy, compassion and empathy. – Usually time flies and we would prefer staying longer.
2. People who ask us how we are doing, listen to what we have to say, but mainly speak about themselves, compare what is “better” or “worse” (and usually what they do and have is “better”…). They involve us in conversations where we can’t really participate (about aunt x and cousin y we don’t know much about…, or about facts that we are not aware of because we live abroad). Most of the conversations are unilateral: they talk, we respond, but their main intent is us to listen to them, mostly agree on what they say (even if we don’t agree…). – When we leave, we are disappointed and relieved at the same time. We haven’t had the chance to share with them what we wanted – mainly because they didn’t want to listen.

It all depends on the way we manage our expectations when we  meet with family and friends. When we only have a few hours to spend together, we won’t share all the details of our last project. We will rather focus on some important details we want to share.

Also, we need to translate them in a way that our family and friends can understand them – I’m not talking about translating them into another language (that too, sometimes) but to translate them in words they understand, that are part of their vocabulary and that they can relate to. When we talk about our children, the school systems are different, the curricula and the languages are different. When we talk about my job, the clients and expectations are different.

Tips on how to have meaningful conversations

For me it is important to have meaningful conversations. I don’t like to spend the whole time of a visit with small talk, or talking about issues that have been mentioned the year before, or that come up at each visit.

A meaningful conversation for me is when I have the feeling that the other person listens to what I say, and I can to listen to her (find my post about the importance to listening here). I call it being in the “us-zone” for a moment. This “us-zone” is where we meet, once a year, and where we work on our relationship. That is where we grow together and find our common ground – our common interests, what we agree on, what we like, what makes us happy and helps us also look forward to meeting again.

It might sound superficial, but when time is short, we don’t want to spend it arguing or discussing about the frustration one person has about an issue etc.. When someone expresses his frustration about something, I tend to let him blow off steam, and refocus on something else.

I have found it very useful to prepare 3 to 5 subjects that I want to share at each visit. These need to be things I want to share to an extent that doesn’t require long explanations as the attention span from both sides is usually quite short when there are time constraints, so, in order not to leave frustrated in the middle of a conversation, I prefer keeping it short.

As a child I have experienced many times that during a visit nobody really wanted to talk with me. Especially when nobody was interested in my opinion, I felt excluded and “not seen”. My grandfather was the only one who would take the time to sit with me and ask me many questions about what I think, what I’m interested in etc.. Most of the time, others (grown ups) decided about the subjects and I was only the listener. – I still get bored very quickly when someone else is doing the talking and expects others only to listen. In this case, today, I don’t hesitate to leave a table… But we can avoid these situations by re-directing the attention to another topic, or by asking open questions.

I advise my children to think about 3 to 5 things they want to share with family and friends, and to share the most important one first. This way they learn to take the initiative to start a conversation (which fosters their conversation skills), or to re-direct a conversation to a subject that interests them, which can lead to a greater conversation where family and friends can discover facets of our children they would have missed otherwise.

There are also some topics we want to avoid: those that are repeated at every visit, that make us upset, or that we just don’t want to talk about for some reason. – This requires some preparation too, as sometimes these topics pop up from nowhere and tend to take over. It’s good to have a strategy to end the conversation and re-direct it to a topic that everyone enjoys…

What is your experience with conversations with family and friends?

Do you have some strategies to make sure your conversations are meaningful?

Please share in the comments here below.

]]> https://expatsincebirth.com/2019/08/15/conversations-when-meeting-family-and-friends-during-summer/feed/ 5 https://expatsincebirth.com/2019/01/25/boarding-schools/ https://expatsincebirth.com/2019/01/25/boarding-schools/#comments Fri, 25 Jan 2019 17:01:29 +0000 http://expatsincebirth.com/?p=7578 I am always interested in learning about other cultures’ habits. I usually am quite understanding, but there some aspects I can understand on a rational level only, and have troubles accepting them on an emotional one. Especially when children and families are involved, I tend to have a hard time accepting some facets.

We are living in an international community with a great amount of parents from the UK, Australia and the US, and among our friends, the question whether to send a child to a boarding school or not comes up regularly.

I am the kind of mother that couldn’t imagine being separated from my children, not until they’re 18 or whenever they are ready to go. Yes, I’m a “mamma italiana” type of mother, or a “Glucke” how it’s called in German: I like having my children around me. I love being a mother and I am very grateful to have the opportunity to spend plenty of time with my children, I want them in my life and want to take part of their daily life.

This is why it was very difficult for me to accept and understand how a parent could send a child under 18 to a boarding school. Especially because it means, in our situation, to send him or her to a school that is in another country, hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of kilometers away.

Sending children to boarding schools is more common in some societies than in others and some of my British friends started talking about sending their children to boarding school when they were still quite young.

I couldn’t understand how a mother of a 5 year old could already make plans to send her son to a boarding school at age 8 or 10. They were making plans on trips they would “finally do” with their husbands/partners when their children would be “away”. It sounded like the children were a nuisance. It took me quite some time to understand their point of view, their world view and look at it all from another perspective. – I still struggle with this mentality, but I understand where it comes from.

The UK has a rich history of boarding schools which reflects in one of the most read books in the past years, Harry Potter. Children from around the world read about life in a surreal boarding school, far away from home, without parents being active part of their daily lives, and they accompany these fictive characters for several years through adventures, sad and happy moments. I read Hanni und Nanni (aka St. Clairs) by Enid Blyton, when I was 10 and wondered sometimes how it would be to grow up in a boarding school. It seemed like a very exotic way to live to me. – But reading books about the life of fictive characters in that situation and living it yourself are two very different animals…

Boarding schools in Britain started in medieval times “when boys were sent to be educated at a monastery or noble household, where a lone literate cleric could be found”, but the institution has adapted itself to changing social circumstances over 1000 years. During the colonial expansion of the British Empire, they became highly popular as they ensured education to children of British colonial administrators.

“in some societies children enter at an earlier age than in others. In some societies, a tradition has developed in which families send their children to the same boarding school for generations. One observation that appears to apply globally is that a significantly larger number of boys than girls attend boarding school and for a longer span of time. The practice of sending children, particularly boys, to other families or to schools so that they could learn together is of very long standing, recorded in classical literature and in UK records going back over 1,000 years. ” (more information here)

If for some local families, sending their children to a boarding school means to help them develop wider horizons than their family can provide, families who spend many years living abroad, boarding schools represent the often unique opportunity for their children to get in touch with their heritage culture, its values, customs and beliefs during their childhood years.

Knowing about the historical background of sending children to boarding schools helped me to be more understanding.

When I saw this video some time ago, I started questioning the reasons that brought the parents to send their children to a boarding school.

I understand that if a parent grew up like this and saw the benefits of it, he probably wants his children make the same experience. Many parents don’t question the way they were brought up and assume that what was good for them is automatically beneficial for their children too.

I personally wonder if this option is not a way to escape parenthood at an earlier stage, a kind of handing over a child to someone else – like it’s said in this video by one of the educators.

I have several friends who have sent their children to boarding schools and I see them suffer, I see them keeping up the “brave facade” that I see back in the video here above. They don’t meet with others when they are sad and lonely, and when they feel some tears coming up when among friends, they say they’re “being silly”.

Sometimes they share their grief, the grief of a premature empty nest, the grief of not seeing their children grow up, become teenagers and young adults, the grief of not really being part of their childrens’ life. They are the bereaved. And there is the fear that their children may not want to come back and visit in the future, that they will resent their decisions. They are lonely and abandoned.

I understand that for many internationals who move frequently, a boarding school gives some continuity their children usually miss, but I can’t but wonder: why would they choose a life far away from their children, a life that tears their family apart? Isn’t it one of the reasons we have children, to raise them ourselves, and not to let this part to someone else, some stranger?

I have seen children suffering because of frequent moves. I have seen these children being sent to boarding school because of their suffering. I honestly doubt that being separated from their parents, who usually are the pillar and only constance in their young life, is the best and healthiest solution.

I could go on and on writing about this topic but I leave it here, open… for everyone who reads this continue the discussion in the comments.

I surely am not here to judge.

Like one of the mothers says at the end of the video: I wonder what the long term effect is on children who are growing up like this. When children are separated from their parents it always has an effect on everyone involved, and there is not one right solution that fits all.

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs there are, because it involves emotions, requires tough decisions, and leaves us with many doubts, uncertainties that affect us because they involve people we love.

Ruth van Reken wrote a very important book about her own experience at boarding schools. Letters never sent is a collection of letters she never sent to her mother, where she shares her thoughts, experiences, her sad moments, her worries.

I can also recommend Unrooted Childhoods,a collection of stories from adults who grew up abroad.

What is your opinion or experience with sending children to boarding school? Please share it in the comments here below.

It was so for me and my family when we realized on the 25.12. that someone not invited, and surely not Santa!, had walked into our home while we were sleeping.

What happened

Someone took my husbands’ wallet and my sons’ phone. The fact that the burglar didn’t consider taking our children’s tablets and cellphones who were laying right next to my son’s phone, all recharging for the next day, made us hesitate to believe what happened. We thought they were just misplaced, but we quickly realized that this couldn’t be the case as my husband always places his wallet on the same spot and my son always puts his electronic devices on the same spot to upload.

It was an unfortunate combination of coincidences that lead to the burglar having an easy job: we forgot to lock the door on our backyard – the famous achterom in Dutch houses – a door we never use, and only open occasionally for the window cleaners*, and we left the door to the backyard unlocked. Someone let out our dog before going to bed and closed the curtain without locking the door. – It’s one of those things that happen when you’re distracted and tired…

The burglar could just walk in, grab something, apparently he/she was just looking for cash and something that’s easy to sell, and walk out again.

I must add that two days before what happened, the alarm went off twice at our neighbors’ house, without anything happening. Although it put me into an alert mode, the rational part of my brain kicked in and tried to distract me from being overly worrying. Nevertheless, for some reason that evening I decided to take my handbag upstairs. I shouldn’t mention that this precaution of mine was being observed with amusement, but how grateful was I for my premonition the morning after !…

My children were the first ones going downstairs that morning and didn’t notice anything unusual at first. It was only when my son couldn’t find his phone, neither my husband his wallet, and when closing the door of the living room we realized that the door to the garden wasn’t locked and the curtain wasn’t closed…. that we became suspicious.

We started looking for the wallet and phone in the most funny places, also because we couldn’t believe that our dog seemed not to have noticed anything. – It took us a while (and a breakfast) to accept that no, our very attentive dog probably had enjoyed a good night sleep in my daughters’ room that night and that yes, someone had been in our house while we were sleeping. (I still want to believe that our furry companion noticed something and went downstairs interrupting the burglars… he just didn’t bark…)

What happened next

I immediately checked the movements on our bank account and my husband printed out the scanned IDs for the police and embassy to file. We called the local police to report the theft. They took a protocol, checked the doors, windows, reassured us and left.

I am very thankful for the way they addressed our children: they were asked and listened to. It is so important that children who make this kind of experience are taken seriously and listened to! 

How to cope with the after…

I didn’t feel personally attacked or unsafe at any moment, which is new to me, because I experienced similar situations before and was expecting to react in a more emotional way. But maybe because this time I had to make sure to stay calm because of my children, or maybe because I had developed a coping mechanism, no idea, but I was very rational and calm.

I had the urge to clean the room, the doors and all that was possibly touched though. I don’t have OCD, but I know from previous similar incidents that the cleaning is a way for me to find closure. I’m sure my psychologist friends have their very own theory about this, and leave it to them to interpret more into it.

All I know is that for us it was important to make sure our home felt “ours” and safe.

We talked a lot that day. We came up with stricter rules concerning safety – but I had to stop my children from wanting to install cameras and other devices… I was amazed on how our children were discussing about possible scenarios, the many ifs and found their very own way to process what just had happened.

One very important step we took was to inform people about what just happened. My children texted and called their friends, I shared it on my personal facebook page, only my husband wasn’t ready to share it (and still isn’t) : everyone has his or her very own way to react and cope with things. In my experience, talking and sharing is an essential part of processing this kind of experiences. It surely worked for me and my children. My husband has his very own way of processing.

That day we almost forgot to have lunch – no festive Christmas lunch for us to remember this year. When we finally sat down to eat, I was happy to see that the children were hungry as I took it as a sign that they were feeling better. – I guess my husband and I just were more aware of the more scary ifs and needed a bit more time to process those in silence.

Glück im Unglück

I am so thankful for the very useful advice I got from my facebook friends: to look under the bushes and trees, to track my son’s phone etc. It was in fact after my son tracked his phone that we had visible evidence that someone had been in our house at 6:24 and walked away with his phone to a place Leiden, where at 7:30 they must have taken out the sim-card. This was the moment it really sank in. I had to go out again and comb the streets in the neighborhood.

For some reason I not only looked under bushes, trees and in the gardens –my neighbors must think that I’m a crazy lady… – but I also looked into the canals. Call it intuition, but at some point I went to a canal and a duck that was looking at me caught my attention. I walked towards it and that’s when I thought to look closer to the water. I spotted something among the cut reed not far away from the duck: it was my husbands wallet! The burglar had taken the cash, bankcards and IDs and thrown the rest into the canal. – Luckily the driving license was still in it: one less document to replace!

They only took material things, but yet…

We kept on repeating that they only took material things and not even the most precious ones for us, so we shouldn’t worry too much. We were lucky that nobody went downstairs while they were still in the house – it would have been a very scary encounter!

They only took a wallet and a phone, yes, but they took my husbands and sons’ ID cards. Knowing that someone knows your name and how you look like, knows when you were born and where is not nice. An ID card can be replaced of course, but what will they do with the actual one? Will there be someone using it? For what purpose? – These are questions my husband and son were discussing and trying to find answers for.

Of course, it’s only things they took, but they did this while we were sleeping upstairs. The home that is supposed to be our safe place isn’t that safe all the time. We all know it: there can be fire, a flood (we’re in the Netherlands!), anything and this house that is like a cocoon, our “home” can be gone in no time. It’s once again the rational thinking that helps keep things in perspective.

Lessons learnt…

A part from checking all the doors before going to bed (!), we learnt a few lessons this time, I just want to share a few: Our privacy can be invaded anytime. The way we react and cope will determine how we feel about it: If we take it personally and overthink the many ifs, we become a victim and feel powerless. If we choose to not take it personally and try to understand the why and how, we can make sense of it and even see the positive aspects of it. – For this incident, we imagined that the person who did this must have been desperate and lonely, or was looking for an extra kick and couldn’t find any other way to get it.
I’d say that another lesson is: to give all that happens a place and move on. I call it “put it in the right box and tidy up” way of thinking: whenever something unexpected happens that shakes us up, we have to process it, talk about it (a lot! – but not everyone is the same, some prefer to process it in silence) but also find closure, a kind of closure that I like to compare with the end of a game. When you’ve finished playing, tried all your strategies, you tidy up and put it away. – The place I give to this incident is right next to the other accidents, thefts and more upsetting experiences.

It’s also time to take the best out of it: we spent a lot of time talking and listening in our family… we would have preferred doing so with other topics, but that’s life. The interesting aspect of this all is that we had a very low key Christmas anyways: we played boardgames and exchanged very practical gifts that we anyway needed (like clothes and new mugs etc.). We decided weeks ago that what we need most right now is to spend quality time with each other and that’s what we did and what we do.

This incident didn’t rock our boat, it just gave it a little kick, nothing more than that.

After all this, I may say that movies like “While you were sleeping”, “Kevin home alone” etc. have a whole other meaning…

– Have you experienced something similar with your children? How did you manage to get back to “normal”? What was the surprising or positive fact you got out of it? Please share in the comments!

• houses in the Netherlands have windows that you can’t open on the second floor or above, that are not reachable via a balcony or other window. For these windows – and the others too, of course – there are window cleaners who will come and clean the windows every 5-8 weeks.