We all have different ways to cope in the many phases we go through not only now, but in any situation. At the moment, we try to find a new normal every day. Some days seem almost surreal, and at times we just wish that the day will be over, other days we wish that certain moments would last longer.

A dear friend shared a picture on facebook, which said that during these times, the days of the week all seem the same. It feels like there is no Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday etc. but only a yesterday, today and tomorrow. Days are very similar, yes, and although we still have meetings and appointments and are aware that the days in the week differ in names and schedules (to some extent), they feel the same because it all happens from the same place: home. At least for some of us.

We are fortunate that this time of isolation gets somehow interrupted by Easter. The Guardian published an article where they ask readers to share how they are celebrating Easter in lockdown, and you can read other newspapers in the Netherlands , Germany, Switzerland, UK etc. In Italy, they indicate where people can follow the messa di Pasqua online.
On TV there are commercials talking about this Easter being different because families can’t meet in person.

Our children seem to need more than ever a sign of hope and normalcy, and Easter is one of the moments in the year that gives us hope every single year.

This year we won’t celebrate it, like planned, in Italy and Switzerland, we’ll celebrate it at home instead. We will decorate our home, have a long skype session on Sunday with our family in Germany and Switzerland, and enjoy the time with each other here. It’s not the first time that we spend Easter without our extended family. For internationals and expats this is nothing new. But still: knowing that you can’t even if you would like to, is what makes a huge difference. The freedom to decide yourself is taken from us this year, and maybe this is why we long for it even more.

We try to keep our minds busy by binge-reading, writing a lot (like I just did in the past days…), and binge-watching Netflix series. Celebrating Easter is becomes a new meaning this year because we long for a new beginning, we long for this all being over soon in the best possible way for our dear ones and for us.

Some parents might think that teenagers don’t really like to celebrate Easter. In Italy there is a saying “Natale con i tuoi, Pasqua con chi vuoi” (“Christmas with your family, Easter with whoever you want (=usually it means friends)”), but this year is different.

All celebrations become more important right now because we are more aware of what it means to celebrate in a more isolated way. Our children miss their friends and family even more… Easter invites to contemplation and there is a positive side of it in celebrating in a more calm and personal way: “In der Ruhe liegt die Kraft” (= the strength is to be found in serenity).

I wish you and your family and friends a healthy Easter, no matter if you celebrate it with your core family, with your partner only (because your children live abroad) or if you are alone this year: bake or cook something delicious, enjoy nature if you can, listen to some good music and enjoy the colors of this season.

Here is a little virtual tour to the Keukenhof here in the Netherlands.

We will watch Andrea Bocelli on Easter Sunday, and his Music for Hope live streaming from the Duomo di Milano – would you like to join us in a virtual way?

How are you celebrating Easter this year?

#wereallinthistogether #stayhomestaysafe

Before Christmas – or the Holiday season – children get very tired. There are many things going on at school: tests, exams, assemblies and all kind of celebrations.

During this time of the year, schools observe an increase of injuries on the playground, children get easily sick and this all can take a heavy toll on the whole family.

One of our favourite poems for this season is “Be kind to your turkey this Christmas” by Benjamin Zephanaiah. I got inspired and composed this very short poem that I dedicate to all the parents (please be indulgent: English is my fourth language…).

I’d like to make it longer… so, here is my challenge for you: If you can come up with some lines, please add them in the comment.

I will add them in the most homogeneous way (I promise that I’ll do my best!) and re-publish the poem at Christmas on this site adding all your names.

Be kind to your children at Christmas

they’re doing their best and that’s enough

we all need a break

so do it for their sake:

take a moment and “see” them,

do listen and hug them

there’s a lot going on and it’s tough.

 (by Ute Limacher-Riebold )

Be kind to your children at Christmas,

they do so much to make you proud,

kids of an expat, linguistic acrobat!

take time to be there for them

praise and support them

expats are the best – shout it out loud!

(Chris Drew)

Savour every moment

Cherish every kiss

These are the things

One day you will miss

Laughter, tantrums, smiles and tears

Bring so much joy yet so many fears

The patience given and the kindness fed

Will contribute to good lives led

One day you will take a breath

And they will all have ventured beyond

Nurturing their fledglings in their own back pond

(Chantal Vasile)

If we ask “How was school today?”, “How did you like the film/play?”, “How was your work today?” we usually get short answers like “good/fine/ok” which doesn’t really tell a lot. Sometimes the intonation of the answer helps us to find out the nuance of what the respondent means, but we can avoid the guessing-game by using the right questions.

In her article “25 ways to ask your kids ‘So how was school today?’ without asking them ‘So how was school today?’“, and the follow up post “28 ways to ask your teens ‘How was school today?’ without asking them ‘How was school today?’” Liz Evans gives many great examples of engaging questions to ask our children – but these questions can also be used for engaging with our partners, friends, collegues.

What they all have in common is that they are open questions. – When we ask questions about school, work, training etc. what we really need to do is to engage in a conversation with our children, friends or partners.

Questions like “How was your school/day today?” or “Did you have a nice day at school/work?” can be answered by a single word or a short phrase. The same applies to questions like “How old are you?”, “Where do you live?” etc. These are closed questions: they are easy and quick to answer and the control of the conversation stays with the questioner.

If we use open questions, not only we get longer answers, but we hand the control of the conversation to the respondent. We want our respondent to reflect and think, and he will (most probably) tell us his feelings and opinions.

  In English, open questions begin with what, why, how, describe etc.   What did you like the most at school/at work etc. today?   How did you keep focused on that task?   Describe what this topic means.   Why do you think this task was difficult? The 3:1 formula

During a conversation a great balance is asking three closed questions and one open question. With closed questions we start the conversation and summarize the progress, whereas open questions give us the opportunity to get the other person thinking and continuing to give us useful information.

If we master the art of using the right questions, we’ll most probably manage to get our respondents to ask us open questions too, which will give us floor to talk more about what we want. How? By intriguing them with an incomplete story or benefit.

But it’s not all in the question

One of the common mistakes is to ask questions at a wrong moment, for example when our children just walk out the schoolgate or are busy doing something else, when our partners just come home from work etc..

Most of us need some time to unwind and re-order their thoughts before we are really ready to tell more about our day and engage in a conversation about it. – Some of us can do this on our way home, others need a bit more time.

No matter if we want to know how the school day was or how the meeting went, it is always advisable to create a pleasant context, either sharing a meal or while doing an activity together: cooking, doing craftworks, playing a game, going for a walk or a run etc..

Finding the right moment requires empathy and flexibility: our children will most likely be the most loquatious when we’re busy with something else, when it’s bed time or time to leave etc. It’s not always possible to pause and give our full attention. Therefore it may be a good idea to arrange fix moments during the day where everyone has the time to share and is ready to give each other his or her full attention.

A medieval fresco depicting St Nicholas from the Boyana Church, near Sofia, Bulgaria. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Sinterklaas or Nikolaus, San Nicola etc. in European countries is based on the legendary figure of St Nicholas. Born in 271 AD to a rich Greek family in Asia Minor in in the city of Patara (Lycia et Pamphylia), he was very religious from an early age. His parents died by an epidemic while Nicholas was still very young and he was raised by his uncle (also named Nicholas), the bishop of Patara. ” He tonsured the young Nicholas as a reader and later ordained him a presbyter (priest). “(wikipedia) Nicholas decided to distribute his wealth to the poor and become a priest. Later he became the Arch Bishop of Myra, a place near the city of Anatolia in Turkey.

He had the reputation for secret gift-giving, such as putting coins in the shoes of those who left them out for him and became the model for Santa Claus (celebrated on 24th or 25th December), whose modern name comes from the Dutch Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas in turn comes from a series of elisions and corruptions of the transliteration of “Saint Nikolaos”.

The fame of St Nicholas’ good deeds began to spread across the Mediterranean and he became known as a patron saint of children, sailors, merchants, archors, travellers and of the city of Amsterdam. Therefore this figure has a special meaning to the Dutch and to the children.

There are many legends about St Nicholas. One tells how a terrible famine struck the island and a malicious butcher lured three little children to his house, killed them and placed their remains in a barrel to cure, planning to sell them off as ham. Saint Nicholas, visiting the region to care for the hungry, saw through this horrible crime and resurrected the three boys from the barrel by his prayers. In another version (from the 11th Century), the butcher’s victims were three clerks who wished to stay the night. The man murdered them and intended to turn them into meat pies. Saint Nicholas saw through this and brought the men back to life. – These kind of legends seem to have originated some of the well known helpers of St Nicholas in many European countries.

The legends with the most likely historical basis are those with St Nicholas being the helper or being the secret benefactor:

Nicholas heard about a man who had lost all his money. He had three daughters who were old enough to get married but had no dowry.

This family was so poor they had nothing left to eat. The daughters were going to be sold as slaves because they couldn’t live at home any longer. They were very sad. They wouldn’t be able to have families of their own. And they would have to be slaves—no longer able to decide where they would live or what they would do.

The night before the oldest daughter was to be sold, she washed her stockings and put them in front of the fire to dry. Then all of them went to sleep—the father and the three daughters.

In the morning the daughter saw a lump in her stocking. Reaching in, she found a small, heavy bag. It had gold inside! Enough to provide food for the family and money for her dowry. Oh, how happy they were!

The next morning, another bag with gold was found. Imagine! Two of the daughters would now be saved. Such joy!

And the next night, the father planned to stay awake to find out who was helping his daughters. He dozed off, but heard a small “clink” as another bag landed in the room. Quickly he jumped up and ran out the door. Who did he catch ducking around the corner? – Nicholas, the young man who lived with his uncle. “Nicholas, it is you! Thank you for helping us—I hardly know what to say!” Nicholas said, “Please, do not thank me—thank God that your prayers have been answered. Do not tell others about me.”

Nicholas continued helping people. He always tried to help secretly. He didn’t want any attention or thanks. Years passed and he was chosen to be a bishop. Bishops look after their people as shepherds look after their sheep. And that is what Nicholas did. When there wasn’t any food, he found wheat; so no one went hungry. He always helped people in trouble. All his life Nicholas showed people how to love God and care for each other.

Everyone loved Nicholas. After he died, they told stories of the good and kind things Nicholas had done. Sailors took these stories about Nicholas everywhere they went. Some of the stories were about his special care for children—helping and protecting them when danger threatened. And so more and more people learned about good, kind Nicholas. They wanted to be like him. He is an example of how we should live. And that is why he became a saint. (Carol Myers)

Related articles

• St Nicholas and his helpers Knecht Ruprecht, Krampus, Père Fouettard and Zwarte Piet (expatsincebirth.com)
• Sinterklaas celebration in The Netherlands

“You should play more with your children and not spend more than 30 minutes on the computer per day. And you should drink lots of tea and rest, rest a lot!”.

These 30 minutes on the computer are the maximum I allow my children per day during the week, so this timeframe seemed very obvious to me. But the way she said this did hit me. She had this precocious, admonishing gaze, that made me feel guilty and I suddenly pictured myself as an old woman who’s taking advice from her daughter. I had this strange fast-forward feeling that I have everytime I observe my children having these leaps forward in development.

Actually, I did work a lot lately. I’m working and writing a lot, not only for this blog, and I was pretty busy the last couple of weeks so I think my children did see me on the computer way too often.

Therefore I’ll take her advice, drink lots of tea, rest (a lot!), spend as much time with my children as I can do and work only 30 minutes a day on the computer. – I will still read and answer your comments, but I’ll not write any post for the next few days. It’s Easter Break anyway and we’re supposed to spend this time with family, right? And even if you’re not celebrating Easter, you’ll maybe find a way to spend more time with your children too, just for them. Just for you.

Please watch this very inspirational video, and maybe you’ll join me and take a break too?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOxa3zLccs4]

Related
articles

• Easter Break.
  (fightingclasswithclass.wordpress.com)
• Easter Traditions
  (theislandjournal.wordpress.com)
• EASTER: New Ideas for an Old Tradition
  (everydayfamily.com)