Have you ever noticed that there are many articles and posts about „Things not to say“ to all kind of people: cops, girls, men, (ex-) girlfriends, (ex-) boyfriends, friends with children, childless friends, pregnant women, to a dj, to a PhD student, at a job interview etc. ?
To be honest, I would rather like to read lists with „things to say“ to all these different groups. We can find those too, but somehow they don’t appear that often in blogs or newspapers and they don’t talk about all the topics the „things not to say“ do.
Negative facts and topics attract more people, but don’t we feel sad if we read and focus always the negative things to do, to say etc.?
Why keeping it negative and pointing at what we surely don’t want to hear? Personally, I practice positive reinforcement techniques with my children and friends, and this is probably affecting my whole life.
I would rather positively reinforce behavior with a pleasant feeling for the payoff. Therefore I propose to start lists about „things to say“ instead.
I found one post about what not to say to someone with „Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome… And what we’d like to hear instead“. This is a very good example to start with.
Here is my list with „5 Things to say to a twin mum“:
1) Twins! That’s double pleasure!
It is, even if the first 2-3 years can be really hard. The pleasure is double! The satisfaction to see two babies lying next to eachother in the crib or playing together, trying to talk to eachother for the first time, making their first steps; this whole experience is so heartwarming that all the sleepless nights, all the worries become insignificant.
2) One kid for free!
Somehow it is true. It really feels like a bargain: one pregnancy, two children. One child „for free“.
3) There are probably twins in your family: did this help you a bit?
Yes, usually there are twins in the family and if you had the opportunity to get to know them and to know the situation they were raised in, this really helps.
4) I can imagine the surprise when you discovered you were expecting twins!
Oh yes. Luckily I was already lying down…
5) I always wanted to have twins too…
I know that most of the people who say this, really did wish to have twins. And this kind of remark makes every twin mum – even if the pregnancy wasn’t the easiest one – feel very special.